Leaving home this time filled me with profound homesickness. It seems common sense that I would miss my family but this time really I think occasions like Gor's wedding always seem to bring us closer together. Or maybe because I only return once a year. Our family has never been known for openly expressing affection in the public eye, or for that matter, directly to one another among ourselves. But I know it by how often Jie calls me up or treats me to dinner, how WZ drives me to the office and pays for everything when we go out, how Gor still gives me pocket $ to spend, how Mummy cooks fish everyday 'cos I hardly eat any in the US, and how frugal Pa suddenly wants to go out for a meal.
This trip, I'm really honored to have helped Gor & Yvonne emcee their wedding 'cos I seldom get to share these kind of moment with my siblings in person. Also am relieved that I didn't mis-speak my lines and embarrass my family in front of 600+ guests! What a grand event. Glad that it's all over and everyone can get a rest.
Sometimes I feel guilty about being the only one overseas while everyone's slogging away back home, and any resentment at the little one getting preferential treatment is definitely understandable. Not that Jie, Gor, WZ ever hinted at such sentiments but still, I don't feel good. Perhaps the only thing I can do is to help communicate among everyone and try to be a "bridge" over troubled waters. One thing that yx taught me was the need to keep in regular contact with Mum/Pa/everyone and show my appreciation often. I am trying and I like to think that I am making a positive contribution.
Oh well, I guess the real thing will commence after I move back home.... just hope there's enough time....
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