A time of change

The past year has been indeed a year of many changes... things that I wanted to remain in my life longer, hopefully permanently, things that have been almost cornerstones of my existence. Moved to a foreign and fascinating land, lost the girl I loved, quit the job I adored, and eventually found enjoyment in "embracing change", as L said. Moral of the story is that the good old adage, "Change is the only constant." applies. Not having close friends within a train-ride's reach presented new challenges and brought about a rush of gratitude for the creators of Skype :) But things could be much worse so I am thankful for being able to choose my next steps.

I just want to pause, get some water, munch some trail mix and lean against a nearby log for a second, take a look at the trails taken so far and think about the terrain ahead. Being positive and treating everything objectively as a learning experience helps. The murkiest, foggiest swamps with hungry leeches ready to pounce have been traversed. I am confident that better things lie ahead, or at least I gained new energy to hike upcoming trails.

She left a deep, deep wound that I hope will heal eventually; perhaps I'll even understand why but I'll stop asking and wish her the best. After all, we shared many happy times together and I learned quite a bit from this experience. It seems true that guys are often the ones who find it harder to move on. Nary a day goes by without thoughts of her, even dreams of her drifting up from some suppressed memory. Take care of yourself, dear.

In a way, leaving my first company was like parting with one's first love. The week I resigned was a pretty sad one, kind of like going on a long hike, sharing provisions and campfires with a group of strangers who eventually became close friends, and now realizing that there is a fork in the trail ahead which I must take alone. Company politics is one thing I must adapt to but I must never become one of those executives who treat people as pawns. I seriously don't understand people who makes company decisions based on negative emotions and not business reasons. Anyway, this whole exercise gave me renewed passion for technology. Bringing home some textbooks from the office a few nights ago, I started reading "Probability and Stochastic Process for Electrical Engineers" on the train and suddenly felt a return of the thirst for knowledge that was last experienced back in college. Suddenly I was back in Wean Hall, staring wide-eyed at the slides and wondering how to complete that programming assignment :P

Change change change!